🔗 Share this article Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start to date any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and at another point you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist focusing on treating intimacy issues.