🔗 Share this article These Phrases given by A Parent That Saved Us as a Brand-New Parent "I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months." One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood. Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations. Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo. "I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained. Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support. The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering. His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter. Asking for help is not weak to ask for help Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to open up among men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave." "It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult. They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the household. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - going on a short trip away, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective. He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant. When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words. Reparenting yourself' That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures. Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father. The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old. When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection. Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish. "You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse." Advice for Managing as a New Dad Share with someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated. Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby. Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping. Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Understand that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your family. When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for years. As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on. When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively. The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids. "I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen. "I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."
"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months." One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood. Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations. Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo. "I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained. Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support. The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering. His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter. Asking for help is not weak to ask for help Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to open up among men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave." "It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult. They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the household. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - going on a short trip away, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective. He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant. When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words. Reparenting yourself' That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures. Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father. The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old. When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection. Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish. "You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse." Advice for Managing as a New Dad Share with someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated. Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby. Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping. Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Understand that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your family. When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for years. As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on. When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively. The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids. "I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen. "I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."